Growing Up

Noradila Arts

...some good things, A LOT of sad stuffs

I've only lived up to a quarter century, more growing up to do (or growing in age)
and to be honest, I hate growing up! I hate changes in life! I hate when unexpected things happen!
maybe I just hate life in general; not that I can anything about it than keep on living and try to enjoy it

for the past few days, I've been feeling so so so down and disappointed (not sure of what!)
it's been a while since I feel so down that I just want to cry my eyes out
and of course, being in this kind of condition, my mind went... everywhere! my thoughts are of too much things! mostly ridiculous stuffs!
I am trying to get myself busy with things that I should do *research! report!* which helps
but I still give myself some time to actually figure out what I want in my life, what I want to change and how am I going towards my goal

despite my firm decision of going back to uni, I still have doubts lingering around - there's always this insecure feeling of all the what if questions - negative thoughts!

If I were still a kid, I do not need to worry about what should I be doing but rather, just do what my parents tell me to do
I don't need to care about responsibilities, the consequences of my actions and even about complicated life stuffs
there are always parents to back me up - I still have my dad to do that hehe but obviously, I can ask for advice, but not to decide for me

growing up sucks! of course there are good things in it such as... sorry I can't think of any
sad stuffs? TONS! as I get older, so do my parents
I lost my mom nearly 2 years now and deep inside, I'm still waiting for my mom to return home - despite knowing the truth, it never sunk in

my sis got married not long ago; of course I'm very happy for her!
but in the same time, the sadness and came with it; it can't be explained in words

people whom I thought I could trust turned out to be pretenders
1st time ever in my quarter century life that I hated people that I feel like puking for real when their names are mentioned
that's not hate, that is seriously loathe those people - usually, as you get older, you'll be pretty much forgiving
I, on the other hand, have more anger that I did before

growing up is not all fun
but it's part of life
DEAL WITH IT!